Today is your birthday and I thought that I’d be fine.
I thought that I had grieved enough with the passing time.
I thought that I’ve said your name so much, hearing it wouldn’t break me.
Yet still the tears come in like waves in a storm, crashing violently.
I thought I’d be above the pain and be reminiscing in our glows.
Instead, I lay here on the ground, as the pain inside me grows.
One moment I am laughing, thinking back to all our younger years.
The next my mind flips upside down, and I’m drowning in the tears.
They say that time heals all wounds and that you’ll find peace as days escape you.
That hasn’t happened for me though, I hope with all of me, someday, it’s true.
I think back to our last days and remember all the good.
I’m grateful that with you, I felt loved and understood.
I dream of how you’d be right now. would you be up to all your drama?
Or would you have found some help outside yourself and healed from all your trauma.
The light inside you shined so bright, there’s no way that energy is broken.
Somewhere in the universe, you float, so many things left unspoken.
Would you still be amazed by how I paid my bills on time, and how well I was adulting?
Would you be by my side in recovery, breaking cycles and molting?
So many questions, so many experiences I’ve shared with you from a distance.
I keep you alive, telling our stories, and speaking you into existence.
What hurts the most is that I will never know just what you’d be up to.
One thing’s for sure, I’d give anything for another birthday with you.