Dear Me

Dear me, I love you and I’m sorry.

I let you down and allowed my limiting beliefs to keep us small, surrounding myself with people and places that further hammered in those beliefs.

I drowned our sorrows in alcohol and drugs, when all we needed was love, support, and kindness.

I left the wounds open, pouring salt in to slow the healing, forgetting to reach out a hand and ask for help.

I denied my part in our misery and blamed others for things I should have healed years before.

I kept our heart on a string, dangling like a carrot for anyone to come in and grab, as if it could be held by just anyone.

I know now that what was done to us as children wasn’t our fault, but how I move through the world is my responsibility.

I accept you for all of your mistakes, I wear our scars as a reminder, a guide, a reason to always try my best.

I see the pain you buried, unearthed it, and use it as fuel everyday.

Thank you for always doing the best you could, even though it doesn’t look like it, I know you were simply trying to stay afloat.

I’ve alchemized our grief, our addictions, our demons into tools for growth and teaching.

I took your fear of speaking your truths, turning us into a billboard for all who have struggled like us.

We are never alone, we are never unworthy, and we are no longer small.

We are the ripple that the world needs to feel.

We are the dreamers.

Thank you for keeping us alive.

I will not take this gift for granted.