It took a while but now I see, the gift of the love you left in me.
With nowhere to go I held it within, allowing it to blossom again.
I wallowed in sorrow and carried the grief like a badge of honor, until I couldn’t exist in sadness any longer.
I spoke your names, told our stories, found people who wanted to hear them.
When I was alone, I let all the memories take me where they wanted to; opening myself to the possibility that maybe you aren’t gone forever, but just living inside of my head.
Your existence hasn’t been demolished, just transformed into an energetic experience that I get to curate whenever I need.
Energy cannot be destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another, in the words of Albert Einstein.
With that, the gift that is grief lives within me every day.
A reminder to hold what we have dearly, no matter what mood we are in, no matter what circumstances we seem to be up against.
Another reason to be filled with gratitude and to know that the only guarantee in life, is death. What we do with that knowledge is fully up to us.
I do not choose to live in fear from these facts, just in constant awareness of how much darkness I allow into my life.
Knowing that I may be gone tomorrow gives me hope, the will to make this life, however long, as beautiful as I can.
So, when I go, not only do others have great memories, but they also know they still have me.
I can still talk to you. I can still laugh at the memories. I can still feel you with me.
Thank you for the extra energy, the extra love, the constant reminder that this life is truly a gift.